The Book of Ffoeg

04:09 pm - Caffeine Cold Turkey, Day 1

I could really use some coffee.

10:37 am - Alchemyst's Clocktower

Damn, I wish I could write a story as cool as this.

http://www.dugnorth.com/blog/2009/02/alchemysts-clocktower-automaton-by.html

03:30 pm - My dream

So I got a job at the Obama White House, and was very excited. But it turned out that I was in charge of the kitchen doing meal planning. I couldn't remember if Obama had told me he wanted Beef Wellington or Beef Washington (in my dream this was a real meal). When I went to the Oval Office to ask him which he had asked for, he icily said, "I already *told* you."

Then I was leading a tour group through the White House. We found an internal window that looked out live on a scene from the Depression, women working in a textile factory. Somehow we crawled through the window and ended up in the past. We had a fascinating discussion with these women.

When we returned to the present, McCain was president. Oh no! So we went back to the Depression to try to reverse the change we made. When we came back again, I made a panicked call to my wife. "I know this is a strange question..." I started. "Is it about the war that started when we were attacked on September 17, 2001?" she asked. Not a good sign, but that's only six days difference.

"No, who's president?"

"Martin... Preston? No one really pays attention to who's president now, though, with all the wars between the parts of the former United States." Uh oh!

02:04 pm - Geek links

Catching a glimpse of the other world (Google Street View link)

"How am I supposed to effectively lead this nation when [attorney general nominee Eric] Holder has to stop the meeting and ask what the story of Taurus using the black lotus powder to kill the five guard lions has to do with increasing broadband Internet connections nationwide?" Obama said while vigorously rubbing his temples.

Added the president, "For the love of Crom, am I the only one here who wants to keep the U.S. technologically competitive?"

02:25 pm - How to Start a Book

I've always had trouble starting stories in compelling ways.

So my son, who's five now, told me he wanted to make a "space book," which apparantly meant drawing a lot of pictures of rockets and planets and then having me staple them together.

The first page showed a man running (well, actually stick figure standing still with RUN written over him) and a rocket in the background. "What's happening in this picture?" I asked.

"That man is running to the spaceship before it blasts off." Pause. "Or explodes."

Damn, that kid has a future.

10:00 am - Best Marketing Department

You know that Apple has a kick-ass marketing department when you have a dream that consists entirely of you a) watching an ad for a new Apple product then b) talking with a friend about how cool the ad and the product were.

Anyway, the iHuman(tm) Avatar(tm) looks pretty awesome. But what was the deal with all the foreign coins flying into the pot? That might have been a refugee image from reading Glen Cook's A Cruel Wind before bed, actually.

09:58 pm - Christianity I can respect

http://www.margaretcho.com/blog/2008/09/17/im-a-christian-you-fuckers.html

Warning: lots and lots and lots of profanity. Also very funny.

01:12 pm - Ways to torture a writer

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. We're still considering it, but we didn't understand X. Could you explain it?

Editors

--

Dear Editor,

Sure, I'd be happy to explain X. You see, Y.

Author

--

Dear Author,

Thanks for that explanation. That really cleared things up. We'll let you know.

Editors

--

10:26 am - Starhawk's advice to the candidates

Since there's a widespread internet lie that Obama is really a Muslim, perhaps we should counter with the rumor that McCain was seen dancing naked in the moonlight, wearing goats' horns. Really--it's true. I've seen it myself.

09:17 am - HP Lovecraft's brief tenure at Whitman's Samplers

"Dark! All-encompassing, eternal darkness! Human eyes cannot penetrate the stygian blackness of this unholy confection!"

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/8/15burns.html

02:27 pm - Can't walk but

http://www.weather.com/newscenter/hurricanecentral/2008/iselle.html

09:55 pm - Another close call

Personal rejection from Sheila Williams at Asimov's, with invitation to submit again. Nice and affirming and all, but I wish I could close the deal already.

10:07 am - FYI

Complete "Firefly" 50% off at Amazon.

01:03 pm - Review

My first review!

http://thefix-online.com/reviews/asim-33/

Also, I've started an "Alex Cohen"-specific blog over at http://arachnion.net. If you want to keep up with my public writer's life, check that out. I'll still post major news here, but other writer's-life stuff over there.

11:25 pm - Boasting

Got my ARC of Cory Doctorow's new book, Little Brother. Very reminiscent of Vinge's Rainbow's End so far. Fun.

10:25 pm - Contributor's Copies

Got my contributor's copies of Andromeda Spaceways #33. I'd been pretty worried that they were going to use the proof they had sent me, with some pretty bad mistakes (editorial comments still left in, for example), but it seems pretty clean.

I guess I'm a published author now.

09:57 pm - Cyborgs vs Zombies

So I'm standing with a co-worker at Starbucks waiting for my short soy latte. In line to order a drink is a dark-haired woman. Periodically a light shines from her ear.

"Those Bluetooth earbuds freak me out," he says.

I look over. Blink. Blink.

"Cyborgs," I say. "We're all cyborgs already."

He nods.

I continue. "Your grandmother and her hip joint? Cyborg. These glasses?" I take off my glasses and give them a little shake. "Cyborg."

"What about my cadaver bone?" he asks.

"What?"

"I've got about a cubic inch of cadaver bone in my femur."

"Dude! You're the fucking undead! That rocks!"

01:52 pm - Fear the Home Keys

Sat down last night to work on the current story. Woke up this morning to find one new paragraph and then many tens of thousands of new letters, all of which are 'f'.

So much for my experiment of trying to type with my eyes closed.

09:52 am - Cover

Not sure what I think of the art -- is that Elvis? -- but I like the text just fine.

http://www.andromedaspaceways.com/images/cover33big.jpg

02:40 pm - Onward!

When Howard Junker, editor of Zyzzyva, sends a rejection, he writes "Onward!" on the letter. (This is, by the way, the best explanation of the thought behind rejection letters I've seen. Worth reading for the Flannery O'Connor quote.)

Onward!